


(un)fair competition

by calmena



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 13:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmena/pseuds/calmena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy loses some weapons, and then he finds them again. Harry almost makes a mission into a honeypot mission even though it's definitely not meant to be one. Merlin is angry, but not actually at Eggsy or Harry.</p><p>A mission-fic with less pining than there should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(un)fair competition

**Author's Note:**

> Art by Litra here on AO3/fangirl-litra on tumblr. It's awesome, I love it, thank you!
> 
> A huge thanks to my beta unwin-hart, who made this a lot more readable than it was in the beginning. You're amazing!

"Well, this is... not good." Letting his arm fall down, Eggsy felt almost foolish, standing in the room with a weapon in hand, staring at the bloody mess in front of him. There were no splatters on his clothes, but that was probably only because he'd barely entered the door before he got spotted.

In his ear, Merlin snorted. "You have a truly remarkable gift for situation assessment, Galahad." Which, yeah, okay, fair.

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Eggsy was pretty sure Merlin was glaring at the dead man through the camera pinned to Eggsy's jacket, because how dare he destroy the meticulously thought-out plan Merlin had come up with. 

All the while, Eggsy was just sort of surprised that the first thing the bloke had done when he'd caught sight of Eggsy in his hideout was grab for one of the dozens of guns in the room and shoot himself in the fucking head with it. Talk about giving up. Eggsy had expected more from this one, especially now that he knew about the heaps of weapons that'd been stashed in the room. 

Honestly, he thought wryly, he didn't think he was actually scary enough to make someone as afraid as the bloke had seemed when Eggsy'd barged through the door, with a fucking mask on his face like a bank robber, because it was that kind of a shitty assignment.

"Bring the body," Merlin finally said, calm like that was the logical thing to do, and seriously, what the fuck?!

"What, you just expect me to lug his body all the way to the airport or something? Bring him along with me all easy-like?"

"No, Galahad, I expect you to lug his body up to the roof, where an extraction team will be waiting for you two."

Which was actually kinda nice, Eggsy thought, because he wasn't looking forward to making his way back to London by commercial plane. "Awesome, thanks," he said happily, then immediately grimaced when he bent down to pick up the dead body. "This is rank," he commented.

Merlin hummed absently. Which probably meant that he'd already moved his attention to the next point on his to-do list, and was only listening to make sure Eggsy wouldn't be running into any further problems.

It wasn't actually difficult, getting the body up the stairs, even though the bloke was extremely built under the ragged clothes he wore. Probably had to be, Eggsy thought viciously, tugging the dead weight up the last few steps, what with him having been in the shady business of— something.

Because they hadn't actually found out yet what exactly it was that Connor (the previously alive, now very dead Douchebag Of The Day) had been up to. By that point, Eggsy was more or less confident that it had something to do with weapons – the lot of them down in Connor's hideout made that pretty clear. Anything more than that, they'd have to find out through other sources, though, since Connor had rather successfully destroyed their primary source of information about his plans by shooting himself in the brain.

Fucking idiot, Eggsy thought, opening the door to the roof. Shifting his grip on Connor's body to pass him off to the guys on the helicopter, he snorted. If it'd been him stuck in a room with a bunch of weapons, he'd have fucking shot his way out of it, not put a bullet in his own head. Connor had been a fucking coward.

Which was why he was dead and Eggsy was about to more or less successfully end yet another mission. Everything else Merlin'd figure out.

Pushing Connor's body at the two men in the helicopter, Eggsy rolled his shoulders.

And would've gotten shot in the face if he hadn't ducked without thinking when one of the men pulled a weapon.

\---

"Fuck, Merlin, if you hate me so much you can just tell me. No reason to send a whole helicopter full of assassins after me," Eggsy muttered drily, crouching as he peered around the corner, because there was a team of fucking killers in the building, spread out, most likely looking for him, wanting to put a bullet in his head. "Thought you said it was an extraction team, not a goddamn hit squad."

"I'm working on it," Merlin said, sharply, quiet typing barely audible in the background. The sound was calming enough that Eggsy could almost deal with only having about five rounds left in his gun.

In contrast the other guys seemed to have a whole arsenal at their disposal. Anything else would surprise him, since he'd seen one of them pull an actual fucking rocket launcher out of the helicopter. Fucking overachievers. "If I wanted you dead, you would be, trust me."

"I'm really feelin' the love, Merlin, thanks."

Merlin snorted, but didn't say anything as he continued typing, so Eggsy just peeked around the corner again and continued on back to where he'd originally found Connor. He just hoped he'd be the first one there, because he could really use some weapons to blow everyone else away, and in a pretty literal sense, too.

"Next right, two of them," Merlin said absently, just soon enough for Eggsy to slow down, pull his gun and put one of his remaining bullets into each of their heads.

"You really do care," he simpered half-heartedly, distracted with making sure he'd actually stay alive to continue to annoy the people at Kingsman, stopping every once in a while when he thought that he could hear someone coming.

He got to the room with the weapons without getting ambushed by the assassins, which Eggsy thought was a success all on its own, what with him not actually knowing how many of them had been in that damn helicopter. It would've been helpful if Merlin could tell him something about that, but whenever Eggsy made to ask, he changed his mind again because Merlin was still cursing and typing up a storm on the other side of the comms, so Eggsy was pretty sure something was not going well.

"Any idea if it's safe to go in?" Eggsy asked anyway, because if there was a chance that he was running into a trap he'd at least like to know in advance so he could be prepared. He was mostly certain that he could deal with the assassins even if they lay in wait for him, but he'd rather be safe than dead.

"Should be," Merlin said slowly, "Be careful anyway."

Which was... not as definite an answer as Eggsy had hoped, actually. Going by the growly sound Merlin made, the uncertainty of it all rankled him as well.

Eggsy hesitated for a moment more before shrugging. Nothing to do but find out, was there?

Bursting through the door, he ducked and rolled to the side, coming up aiming at-- nothing.

"Well," Eggsy said slowly, drawing out the word. "This was a little anti-climatic." He got up from where he'd crouched down in preparation for an attack that hadn't come, disappointed not because he was spoiling for a fight, but because he was too fucking late. Not only was Connor's body gone, but so were the weapons and probably any and all information that'd been left lying around the room. "Merlin, we have another problem."

\---  
\---

"This is a fucking disaster," Merlin cursed, pacing the length of the room. He didn't seem to be paying any attention to Eggsy or even Harry. Normally, that would've been fucking hilarious, what with Harry being the new Arthur and technically (but not really) Merlin's boss. The situation was a little too fucked up for Eggsy to be able to find any humour in it.

The mission had been important, Eggsy knew that, because everyone was still scrambling to fix the world after the shit-show that'd been V-Day, and all the information Merlin had been able to put together regarding Connor's involvement in arms deals and acquaintances had pointed toward something potentially very big going on.

And now they were stuck with no Connor, no weapons, and no information.

Sinking further into his seat, Eggsy watched. He didn't particularly want to draw Merlin's attention when he was like this, so he didn't say anything, letting Merlin rant and curse.

He actually felt very comfortable doing that because Harry, behind his desk, was doing the same thing. Harry'd been patiently watching Merlin for the last ten minutes, and not said a word. How he did that and without seeming like he was passive-aggressively blaming either of them for the failure that had been the mission, Eggsy had no idea. 

Apparently, whoever was behind the hit squad had managed to fuck up the GPS data from the actual Kingsman helicopter. That was about what Eggsy got from Merlin's ranting. Everything else was a lot of technical hubbub that didn't actually tell Eggsy very much, other than that Merlin was angry.

The effect of what they'd done had apparently been that the extraction team had ended up in the middle of nowhere because the coordinates they'd gotten had been fucking bullshit, and the signals Merlin had watched had actually been from the wrong bloody helicopter.

It was actually kind of genius, Eggsy decided, impressed even though the whole thing had almost gotten him killed. He wasn't going to tell Merlin that, because he was pretty sure he'd get his head bitten of if he did. 

Also, Merlin was still talking and Eggsy still didn't particularly want to interrupt him, no change in that.

"Merlin," Harry – Arthur, but always, always Harry in Eggsy's head – said firmly, finally, when it looked like Merlin was going to circle around and start the whole rant from the beginning all over again. "What do we know?"

Merlin had stopped pacing, but now he sighed and— deflated, there was no other word for it.

Eggsy blinked.

"We don't really know anything," he admitted, pulling a face as if the words tasted sour in his mouth."They took Connor's body and the weapons. If there was anything else that could've been helpful in that room, that's gone, as well. We have even less than what we started with, if that's possible!"

"The assassins?"

"Nothing. No tattoos, no distinguishing marks of any kind that would make identifying them any easier. We're trying to see if anyone from the other agencies recognizes them. It's slow-going." Merlin bit out the words like they were hurting him.

Harry frowned at the photos on the screen. "Someone at the CIA owes me, I'll see that they get back to you soon," he said finally, "I'm not certain I can do something about the other agencies. But if these people were in any way illegally involved before this, I'm sure there'll be something."

Merlin sighed again and nodded, like that was really all he'd needed to hear. When he left the room, door closing behind him, they were left in silence.

"I'm sorry," Eggsy blurted before he could chicken out, not daring to look Harry in the eye. If only he'd been a little faster, maybe he could've gotten to the weapons, at least, before the mercs had. "I–"

"–could have done nothing," Harry interrupted, certain, like he didn't even have to think about it. 

The confidence warmed something in Eggsy's chest he didn't want to think too deeply about. "But–" he found himself starting to protest, instead.

Again, Harry shook his head before Eggsy could finish, or even actually begin, the sentence, cutting of any coming self-recriminations.

"You did the best you could with the information available to you. There was no way for you to know that the helicopter wasn't from us until it was too late. It speaks for you that you noticed soon enough to get away. Nobody is going to hold it against you that you didn't manage to hold onto Connor's body at the same time, or that you didn't immediately run back to guard Connor's room. I certainly won't."

Eggsy nodded, even if something in him rebelled at the thought that the whole mess wasn't his fault, because it was, it was.

\---  
\---

Because Kingsman was so goddamn considerate of its agents' well-being, there was supposed to be at least a week of obligatory downtime after a mission. The only way to get out of that was if an emergency required all agents, or nobody else was able to come in for something urgent.

As of that morning, it was Eggsy's second day back home after his clusterfuck of a mission, and he was going fucking mental.

With all the excitement his job brought, being back in London, doing nothing for a week – because really, paperwork didn't actually count – was strange and almost unwelcome. A few times, he'd come in to help the actual tailors at the shop, but been thrown out pretty quickly because he'd been more of a nuisance than actual assistance, so that was out of the question.

Instead he'd spent a day with Daisy and his mum, fussing over them and making sure they were okay in the house Kingsman had put them up in. Now, one day later, his last failure still in the back of his mind, he was already itching to get back out again, to do something, be useful.

Knocking on the door, Eggsy peeked into Arthur's office, smiling when Harry looked up from what he was reading. Probably some kind of paperwork, because Harry looked downright relieved to be interrupted.

"Hey," he muttered, slipping into the room when Harry nodded, putting away the sheet of paper that was probably something incredibly important, and also terribly tedious. "So, 's there new intel about Connor yet?"

Because it was his mission, his to clean up, and until they told him that they'd given it to someone else, Eggsy was going to operate under the assumption that it would be him getting sent out again, once they had somewhere for him to be sent to.

Harry didn't act like it wasn't going to be him, either. "Merlin found one of the mercenaries on Interpol's most-wanted list. He was supposedly responsible for quite a high number of deaths of rather prominent people in various countries. You certainly seem to have done a lot of people a favour by shooting him."

Harry smiled, and Eggsy ignored the fluttering in his stomach as he felt heat crawl up his neck. He smiled back, to try and cover up his reaction to Harry's expression like Harry wasn't going to notice it, anyway.

"Yeah, so what were they doing at Connor's? Aren't mercs usually, y'know... paid?" And this had all the marks of being their breakthrough. If they had the employer, they had somewhere to send Eggsy to. Or whoever else they sent on that mission. But probably Eggsy, because if there was ever an organization that understood wanting to go after whoever was the cause for a botched job, it was Kingsman.

"Merlin should be working on tracking down their employer right now. As for their aim– they were probably, not unlike us, hoping to find Connor alive to question him."

Which was just great, really, Eggsy thought. Because they'd gotten the weapons and the body and here Kingsman was, trying to go off of what they could get from the dead mercs. That was even worse than second-hand information, it was pretty much useless.

Except, apparently Merlin had managed, if they had a way to find who was responsible for this shit show. Eggsy could actually feel himself perk up, because that? That sounded like he was going on a mission.

\---

"I have a bad feeling about this," Eggsy muttered, roughly tugging on his tie in an attempt to both straighten and loosen it at the same time. He must've been doing a piss poor job, since his hands were unceremoniously batted away a second later, as Harry took over.

"Don't jinx us, Galahad. Merlin did a great job with our covers." He was so damn cheerful about it, too, that Eggsy wanted to punch him a little. Never mind that this would probably get him an official reprimand, at least. Punching the current Arthur was probably an offence that usually resulted in the agent being sent off to some boring-ass country on a long term mission that consisted of nothing but recon. Or maybe nobody had ever thought to try. In any case, he should probably hold off on any violence against Harry. At least until Merlin wasn't watching through their glasses.

"Damn straight I did," Merlin muttered into their ears.

"I don't know what you're so happy about," Eggsy said to Harry, "You're too important to be sent out on a mission. You're Arthur, fucking hell." He was lying, though, because he did know. Harry had been stuck at either HQ or in London for the last four months, recuperating from the fucking shot to his head and then settling into his new job. He was probably just glad to finally be in the field again. And forgetting about the little fact that he was now also the head of a spy agency who couldn't just fuck off on whatever mission he wanted, because if he got captured or killed, that would actually be really catastrophic, and not just for the obvious reasons of it being Harry.

Never mind that nobody had actually wanted to take on the job of being Arthur this time, at all.

"Would you say no to me, Galahad?"

"Damn right, I would," Eggsy muttered, ignoring the joking tone in Harry's voice, ignoring the snort from Merlin on the comms, ignoring the fucking flutters the question caused in his stomach. Because yeah, if he had any pull at all, he'd have vetoed Harry being actually there for this mission, but less because he was Arthur, and more because he was Harry. And if Harry asked him for anything beside that– well, there was not a lot Eggsy would tell him no for, to tell the truth.

Not that Harry needed to know that. The man was smug enough as it was, not knowing how much he had twisted Eggsy around his little finger. Didn't mean Eggsy wouldn't protest Harry being on the mission with him.

What they were doing was risky, which Eggsy had known that before Merlin had gone through the trouble to just about spell it out for them. Not that that'd been necessary, with the way the mission screamed dangerous in a way that not even Eggsy could ignore.

Not only were they going into the home of a known drug lord when he was hosting a party for all his established and prospective "business partners", they were also walking straight into the lion's den – as it was the house of the person who'd sent a team of mercenaries after Connor.

John Miller was dangerous, never mind that Eggsy'd had to hold back his laughter when he'd first been told about him, because what kind of name was that for a drug lord?

And yet, here they were.

"Stop being nervous, Galahad. Arthur has been on missions like this since you were a child, he'll be fine. You, however, won't be if you don't stop looking around like someone's going to jump you."

"Nice as always, Merlin."

It wasn't like he wasn't aware that his worries were probably unfounded, or at least irrational. Harry was okay, he'd be okay. He'd survived a fucking bullet to the head, he could handle a mission that was, in Kingsman terms, at a moderate threat level at best, even if the house owner presented a considerable danger to them should they be found out.

None of that served to make Eggsy feel any better about the situation. He was a worrier, so what? Wasn't like he could do anything about it, never mind what Merlin seemed to think.

\---

"We were rather... put off when we found that Mr. Connor had already been taken care of," Harry said, the glass of champagne in his hand still untouched.

Eggsy didn't get champagne, or anything else for that matter. He mostly just stared impassively at people because apparently that was the type of person his assumed identity was. The mercenary turned bodyguard, there to make sure Harry– Mr. Landwood, and really, someone at Kingsman had to be fucking kidding him with the name – wouldn't be shot while trying to make nice with the person who'd come in the way of getting whatever information and weapons Connor'd been sitting on. Like that made fucking sense.

Miller smiled.

It looked a bit like he was going to eat Harry, and even Eggsy didn't know if he meant that literally or figuratively. With his toothy grin, it could really be either. Coincidentally, the expression also made him seem more than a little insane. If they started counting the crazies in the building, they'd still be here when they all left, though, so that was sort of a given.

Just a few minutes ago, there was a woman sharpening toothpicks into something Eggsy was pretty sure was able to kill a person. Scary, but also somehow very riveting to watch.

Merlin sounded amused when he told them where they could find their mark a few seconds afterwards. At least somebody had their fun with this assignment, Eggsy supposed – though Harry seemed to enjoy himself rather much, as well.

And here was Eggsy, worrying and sulking, because this whole mission had been a constant fucking mess since Connor had shot himself in the head to escape interrogation. Fucking Connor.

"And who might that be?"

Eggsy's attention snapped back to John Miller – and that name was never going to get old, fucking hell, talk about unassuming – to find himself in the focus of warm, brown eyes. The lines around his mouth were hard, though, even with the polite smile Miller affected, and it made his whole face seem wrong, somehow.

"My personal... safety net, if you so will," Harry said vaguely.

Miller looked back at him, and Eggsy's calm mask almost slipped with his relief at being out of the startlingly intense focus.

Fuck "warm, brown eyes" actually, these ones told fucking stories about murder and torture, if such a thing was possible. Suddenly, the whole thing with the unassuming name and seemingly harmless appearance wasn't fucking funny anymore.

Especially as Miller didn't look like he was going to leave Harry's side any time soon. He was either suspecting something, or he was thoroughly impressed by Mr. Landwood. Neither option was preferable, though the second one'd probably end with less bloodshed.

It did make gathering intel on Connor's past dealings a little more difficult, though, what with Eggsy not being able to leave Harry's side.

Miller touched Harry's shoulder as he laughed (falsely, Eggsy'd like to point out, the guy was a fucking git), leaning in, and right now some sort of distraction for Miller'd be really appreciated. Else, Eggsy might just cave and punch him in the fucking head, and then he'd probably get shot down for it by Miller's own mercs turned bodyguards.

Fucking shitty as hell assignment, this whole thing was.

\---

Coming with no surprise at all, Miller wasn't going to share his information with them.

Not that he'd come right out and said that. He'd mostly just been all over Harry, casually touching while Eggsy grit his teeth and reminded himself that he really didn't have a leg to stand on here. Wasn't like he didn't want to touch Harry a lot, as well.

He didn't actually do it, though, and anyway, Miller was a douchebag.

Harry mostly just smiled and talked. He didn't touch back, but he also didn't protest, and that Eggsy knew Harry could probably break Miller's arm and all his fingers in less than ten seconds still didn't make him like the situation any more.

The few times Harry had managed to steer the conversation back to Connor, Miller waved the topic away and continued a whole different talk. He was a pompous prick in a low-key package; appearance, name and all. Under any other circumstance, Eggsy might've been a little impressed with how Miller managed to understate himself.

As it was, he'd rather grab his gun and shoot him in the fucking head to get the fucking prick away from Harry.

"For god's sake, this wasn't supposed to turn into a damn honeypot," Merlin muttered in Eggsy's ear, which was the only thing that kept Eggsy from going absolutely mental right then.

At least someone was as frustrated with how slow this was going as he was, since Harry seemed to be entirely in his element. That left Eggsy observing their surroundings, recording what he could with his glasses. Maybe Merlin'd be able to use some of it for a later mission, or anything else, so this whole thing wasn't a goddamn waste of their time, if Miller didn't let Harry out of his sight just once during the whole night.

"Try to get him away from Miller," Merlin said, like that wasn't was Eggsy'd been trying and failing to do since they'd fucking arrived two hours ago. 

Instead of answering, because he wasn't an idiot, Eggsy breathed out just hard enough Merlin'd be able to pick it up on the comms and recognize it as the "no really, you don't say?" it was supposed to be. It also had the effect of drawing Miller's attention to him, regrettably.

"Is there a problem?" Miller asked, and it was in his tone that there better not be.

Eggsy didn't get into the uncomfortable predicament of finding an answer that was sufficiently bland and bored enough to satisfy him, mostly because someone threw a toothpick at Miller right then.

Only it wasn't a normal toothpick. Oh.

Now Eggsy really wished he'd paid more attention to the woman from before, because apparently she had something against Miller, as well, if the toothpicks told him anything. Besides, she had a truly amazing gift for timing, really, Eggsy decided, when Miller made a sound that was more startled than pained and turned away.

"Leave a bug," Merlin ordered, as Harry caught Eggsy's eye and nodded subtly towards one of the doors.

Eggsy did Merlin the favour, mostly because he was hoping they'd find out later what the whole toothpick-woman thing was about. Surely, Merlin was as curious about that, as him and wouldn't be able but to try and get details.

For now, Miller's bodyguards did a good job at herding people away from their charge. That helpfully included Harry and Eggsy, and they ducked through one of the doors when they came close enough to do so unobtrusively.

"Well, that took forever," Eggsy muttered as they hurried along the hallway as Merlin muttered out directions he'd gotten from fuck-knows-where. "You couldn't have let him down gently or something?"

"Don't be obtuse," Harry rebuked gently, "that would have guaranteed us his attention for the whole night."

"Bruv, I'm pretty sure you had his attention from the moment you walked up to him."

A little of the annoyance Eggsy felt at that must have seeped into his voice, because Harry shot him a sharp, assessing look. Thank god he didn't say anything, though, what with Merlin still giving them orders.

"I need to get into the closed network – find me a computer that's connected and put the flash drive in it, that should do the trick. Then you can go, do your thing with the weapons."

"Sir, yes, sir," Eggsy said cheerfully.

\---

"This is taking fucking forever. How many fucking rooms does this building have?"

"Patience, Galahad."

That was fucking easy for Harry to say, he was so completely relaxed about finding a computer for Merlin that it was goddamn unreal.

"Maybe we should split up," Eggsy muttered, peering through a door cracked open and seeing nothing but yet another empty fucking room with creepy fucking paintings in it. "It's like he needs his whole fucking family tree watching him be a criminal dickbag."

"Galahad."

There was just enough disapproval in the tone to shut Eggsy up for a bit, even with how fucking bored he was. Of course, that didn't last long.

Only four rooms and about five minutes later, Eggsy just about had enough. The way they were doing this was taking too long, not to mention it was fucking obvious, walking through the halls and peering into rooms like they were looking for something. If someone came across them, they'd get made in a fucking second.

It just fucking figured that Merlin didn't know where a computer might be in this goddamn maze of a building, because the most he'd been able to find was a ground-plan, and even that wasn't much help because they couldn't exactly rely on it, being ten years old.

Sighing, Eggsy just about threw open the next door after making sure he couldn't hear anyone inside, and almost shouted when he – finally – found a computer.

"Arthur," he hissed, already moving into the room to make sure the damn thing was actually connected to the closed network so they could finally get on with everything else.

"Finally," Eggsy muttered, when he pushed the flash drive into its port and waited for the pop-up to tell him if they could leave it to do its work or if they needed to find a different computer. In which case Eggsy might throw either the computer or himself out of the window.

"I'm in," Merlin said, even before the pop-up could tell him the same.

Eggsy grinned and smiled at Harry.

Of course that was the moment they were interrupted. "Hey, what are you doing in there?"

\---

Bringing up one of the guns in his hands, Eggsy was pretty sure he broke the other bloke's nose. There was probably also a concussion there, because he crumpled pretty impressively. Not that Eggsy had much time to admire the, admittedly, kinda elegant way in which the man fell to the floor, especially considering he was unconscious right then, because then there was Harry, only the littlest bit out of breath.

"Data secure," he said, taking one of the guns from Eggsy, before he smoothly turned around and shot another merc in the head. If Eggsy were a better person, he'd have at least tried to tell himself that the causal display of competent violence didn't turn him on just a little bit.

"So there's only the weapons left?"

Affirmation came not only from Harry, but also from Merlin.

Oops. Eggsy had actually forgotten he was there and probably watching everything through their glasses. That would probably have been a lot more embarrassing than he actually found it, if not for all the other times he'd forgotten to turn off the glasses feed.

He seriously didn't know why Merlin kept on even giving him glasses, he must've noticed by now that Eggsy tended to forget about them. Maybe his recordings were kept as a cautionary tale for new recruits to show them why they needed to be careful when they wore their Kingsman-issued eye wear.

Never mind that Eggsy was on his fifth pair, because while those damn things were supposed to be damn near unbreakable, destroying them was something Eggsy still managed to somehow do.

At least now they had Merlin to tell them where to go, so they didn't have to wander around aimlessly.

"They should be just through–"

Eggsy frowned at the way Harry stopped in the middle of the sentence as he looked into the room the weapons were supposed to be in. There was no way something had gone wrong yet again, was there?

About to voice his displeasure about how dealing with everything to do with Connor and whatever his plans had been better be worth all this shit, Eggsy followed Harry's eyes.

"Oh."

Well, that was a shit ton of weapons.

\---

"So..."

"No."

Eggsy laughed at the way the word came in stereo from both Harry and Merlin, because they were boring old geezers who never wanted him to have any fun.

He told them so, before he continued to do what he'd been about to anyway, pulling out a little something he'd learned to make from Ector.

"Please tell me those aren't what I think they are," Harry said. He also looked at Eggsy with a mixture of what he'd learned were affection and exasperation, so he probably wasn't actually mad, or even all that opposed to Eggsy's idea.

Eggsy smiled. "These aren't what you think they are," he lied happily, putting everything on the floor before he turned around and went to leave the room.

"This is a historical building," Harry reminded him, as if that had any meaning at all for Eggsy. Based on the look on Harry's face, he knew that, too. He followed Eggsy out of the room, though, so that was okay.

The weapons exploded and this time there was no firework – which was actually nice, because while weapons weren't people, that would've meant Valentine's kind of crazy was more common than Eggsy'd ever thought, because who the hell put fireworks into something as a contingency plan, anyway?

Then they were on the move and kind of in a hurry to leave, because explosions were loud and very noticeable, who'd have thought?

(Eggsy didn't doubt that Ector would get a kick out of Eggsy's retelling of this mission, though, because he liked it when people put his teachings to use. And hey, they'd gotten Eggsy and Harry out of Miller's house, so they had been very useful.)

(They'd also left the historical building a little structurally unsound, but that could probably be fixed.)

\---

"You are aware I didn't need you to keep me safe from anything during this mission?"

There was the exasperation again, and also just a little rebuke in his voice, but Harry didn't actually sound offended. That was better than what Eggsy'd expected to be honest, because yeah, if there was one thing Harry wasn't, it was helpless.

He'd gotten shot in the fucking head, and he'd survived, for fucks sake!

Didn't change the fact that Eggsy wanted to do what he could to make sure that he stayed whole and alive from now on, though, and if he had to throw himself in front of a bullet to do that. Not that he was going to say any of that out loud.

Something of his thoughts must've shown on his face anyway, because Harry shook his head and smiled a bit – and honestly, sometimes Eggsy questioned his right to be a goddamn Kingsman agent, if everyone was able to read his expressions like his feelings were written on his face or some stupid shit like that.

On the other hand, maybe that was just because he seemed to surround himself with all the most observant people; Harry, Roxy, Merlin.

When he thought about it, it was really his own damn fault that he couldn't keep a secret with those three around him nearly all the time. Not that he'd change anything about that, even if he could.

"Do you think it's any easier for me to send you out on dangerous assignments, Eggsy? Because they happen all the time, and I can't justify not sending you on any of them."

Eggsy, not Galahad. This was Harry talking to him now, not his boss, not Arthur. This was getting to be dangerously close in the territory of the talk Eggsy wasn't sure he ever wanted to have.

"Because it really isn't. However, these are our jobs. Sometimes, we just have to resign ourselves to the fact that we can't always keep the people we love close, but instead have to trust in their abilities to keep themselves safe."

That– had not sounded like the polite rejection Eggsy'd almost expected after how fucking obvious he'd been during the whole damn mission.

"Yeah?" he asked, breathlessly, nonsensically. This was probably the time to be really glad about the fact that Harry knew him, and didn't have to ask him to clarify what he meant. Eggsy wasn't actually sure he could have. There was a mixture of embarrassment and hope in his chest that was threatening to cut off his voice if he tried to say anything right then.

Harry had the gall to look taken-aback. "Surely you knew–" he started, before he abruptly took the last few steps it took to stand directly in front of Eggsy, tugging him closer by the back of his neck until he had no choice but to stare Harry straight in the face.

"Surely you know how precious you are to me."

And yeah, Eggsy hadn't, actually, known that. The kiss Harry planted on him a few seconds into the silence told him a lot about it, though.

**Author's Note:**

> I held back on the action-movie-grade hacking, because it hurts my soul.
> 
> Please, don't even look at me. Somehow, this never turned into what it was meant to be, and I'm really not at all happy with this and I don't even know. It feels unfinished and just... bad. Also, I actually forgot about deciding on a posting date, so this is just... here. I hope the kingsman bang mods won't hate me.


End file.
